New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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