So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she told me i tasted like america
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
