You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
