Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i've created a new STD.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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