My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
