saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
