So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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