I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
