why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
