And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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