Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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