life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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