If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
