I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
