the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
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Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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