Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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