I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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