Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
