he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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