Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
