im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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