totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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