Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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