Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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