I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
