So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can you bring me the toilet please
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
