Define "chronic" masturbator.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am available for nakedness
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
