i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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