There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
either way he was missing a nipple.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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