Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
