rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Terrible idea I love it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
