i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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