The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
