matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
