dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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