It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
