i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
