great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
