Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
