and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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