i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
