just tell him i said nine months
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How's work?
Spinning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
