I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
