u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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