she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
