my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
