Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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