In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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