Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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