he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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