there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
