i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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