i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
