what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
