I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
