i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
