i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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