it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
