the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
