i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
