Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This toilet bowl is my home.
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