can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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