Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
